You know you’ve done it. You know your parents want to put you up. You know you made that fake account to troll around yourself.
Shaadi.com is made up of so many types of Desi single folks: those who want to shop around since their local NET-IP chapters have run dry with prospects; a select few who put themselves up to quiet the ‘rents; a stellar one or two who give it an honest go. Let’s not mention the questionably shaady suitors — those bastards who are married, in relationships, or even gay — but still need to feed some misguided ego or deeply rooted insecurities.
Having been a paid (yes, a high number of suitors do not pay, thus wasting your time by accepting/declining interests) member for a requisite 6 months, I came away with one, solo date, and a myriad of freak stories. And, in case you’re wondering, that one date kept me waiting in the lobby of the ‘W’ hotel as he took a work call for 45 min. I left at the 46-minute mark.
Am I off? For now. Will I get back on? More than likely.
Having given said this, I wanted share my list of 25 things I hate about Shaadi.com:
1. Men with profiles posted by Parent/Guardian. If he’s your Mama’s boy, you keep him.
2. Men who list their income under $25K. You obviously can’t support yourself, let alone a marriage.
3. Men who are too cheap to pay for a membership.
4. Men who are separated and couldn’t wait for the ink on the divorce papers to dry.
5. Men who stick up photos with baseball caps, berets, or fedoras. You’re bald. We get it.
6. Men who write a two-line description.
7. Men who include typos, demonstrating your sloppiness in paper and probably in…
8. Men that don’t respond to your interest request.
9. Men who accept your request and don’t initiate a follow-up.
10. Men who send one email and then stalk you via Facebook.
11. Men who send you a phone number, and then don’t answer when you call.
12. Men who are 58 years old, drive a tractor in Ludhiana, and have 3 kids.
13. Men who are 21 year, UK-based, aspiring club promoters.
14. Men who are your friends in real life and want to express interest to see if you’d ever accept.
15. Men who hide their profile, unhide their profile, hide their profile…
16. Men who lie about their age and disclose the truth when you speak.
17. Men who stick up headshots, hiding their portly gut.
18. Men who try to be clever by saying, “It’s my first time online…”
19. Men who add their birthdates to their profile name.
20. Men who put up their blood type.
21. Men who talk to you, your BFF and your cousin, both who are also on Shaadi.com.
22. Men who call after 1:00 am and ask you what you’re wearing.
23. Men with profiles that are cross-listed on Match.com, eHarmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com
24. Men who write with emoticons.
25. Men who look nothing like their pic taken 5 years ago.
I’m educated. I’m beautiful. I’m single. And, yes, I’m on Shaadi.com. See most of you reading this will roll those eyes up, saying yet, another Sikh in the City chick, who’s going to wax poetic about why ‘she can’t find the one.’ Fret not, you judgmental freak…as this ain’t your clichéd soliloquy addressing the obvious.
See I know you – that type who has:
You judge us, poke fun at our ‘wheatish’ skin colouring, and may even forward our pics to your circle of friends asking them, “what if?” Of course, we know the latter will never happen, because you lack the very guts that got us here. “There’s gotta be something up with her divorce.” “Sure, her pic looks like that, but scope her out on Facebook to see if she’s used Photoshop.” “If she’s all that, what’s she doing here?” That’s what you say…
Now, here’s what I say…quite the opposite. With my post-grad degree from a top university, seven years of entrepreneurial start up experience, professional publications, and public position that determines more of the future than your analyst job will ever do, I say we are real women, who are real sisters, chasing after a very real dream – love.
See, we’ve done the Net-IP events, trolled the local city mixers, even tested the waters of speed dating.
We’ve experienced the difficulties adapted ourselves to–one-night stands, auntyji set-ups, MeraPyar mixers, continuous public relations directed at married friends–and, despite the high quality of men who must exist by the surreptitious laws of attraction, we’ve exhausted our pretty little selves at this point. Shaadi.com is simply our latest exercise in ambivalence. But, one more channel of hope only means one more chance at love.
So, talk trash all you want, but, know, what you say, we’ll say, too…