You know you’ve done it. You know your parents want to put you up. You know you made that fake account to troll around yourself.
Shaadi.com is made up of so many types of Desi single folks: those who want to shop around since their local NET-IP chapters have run dry with prospects; a select few who put themselves up to quiet the ‘rents; a stellar one or two who give it an honest go. Let’s not mention the questionably shaady suitors — those bastards who are married, in relationships, or even gay — but still need to feed some misguided ego or deeply rooted insecurities.
Having been a paid (yes, a high number of suitors do not pay, thus wasting your time by accepting/declining interests) member for a requisite 6 months, I came away with one, solo date, and a myriad of freak stories. And, in case you’re wondering, that one date kept me waiting in the lobby of the ‘W’ hotel as he took a work call for 45 min. I left at the 46-minute mark.
Am I off? For now. Will I get back on? More than likely.
Having given said this, I wanted share my list of 25 things I hate about Shaadi.com:
1. Men with profiles posted by Parent/Guardian. If he’s your Mama’s boy, you keep him.
2. Men who list their income under $25K. You obviously can’t support yourself, let alone a marriage.
3. Men who are too cheap to pay for a membership.
4. Men who are separated and couldn’t wait for the ink on the divorce papers to dry.
5. Men who stick up photos with baseball caps, berets, or fedoras. You’re bald. We get it.
6. Men who write a two-line description.
7. Men who include typos, demonstrating your sloppiness in paper and probably in…
8. Men that don’t respond to your interest request.
9. Men who accept your request and don’t initiate a follow-up.
10. Men who send one email and then stalk you via Facebook.
11. Men who send you a phone number, and then don’t answer when you call.
12. Men who are 58 years old, drive a tractor in Ludhiana, and have 3 kids.
13. Men who are 21 year, UK-based, aspiring club promoters.
14. Men who are your friends in real life and want to express interest to see if you’d ever accept.
15. Men who hide their profile, unhide their profile, hide their profile…
16. Men who lie about their age and disclose the truth when you speak.
17. Men who stick up headshots, hiding their portly gut.
18. Men who try to be clever by saying, “It’s my first time online…”
19. Men who add their birthdates to their profile name.
20. Men who put up their blood type.
21. Men who talk to you, your BFF and your cousin, both who are also on Shaadi.com.
22. Men who call after 1:00 am and ask you what you’re wearing.
23. Men with profiles that are cross-listed on Match.com, eHarmony.com, and PlentyofFish.com
24. Men who write with emoticons.
25. Men who look nothing like their pic taken 5 years ago.